I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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