I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
