Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize