He is an equal opportunity slut.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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