Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
