I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
