i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
