I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
