I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
