you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
