Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
