remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
