Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
