I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize