One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
