it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
