On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
