I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
40s are totally the cure
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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