We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize