if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
