as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
