i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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