I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
