Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
