I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
