I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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