just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
