The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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