remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
