I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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