i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
