You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Randomize
