Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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