I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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