sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
