Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Life without a bra equals bliss.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
