also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
