you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
