Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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