I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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