Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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