bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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