New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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