it wasn't lemon gatorade
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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