$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
