Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
