I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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