STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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