We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
