absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
