Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
