This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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