Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
