theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
