I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
