Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
