Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
