The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
