i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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