So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
