she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
