Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize