I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
