what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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