Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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