you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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