I cannot find my penis.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
