I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
