He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
