remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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