??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize