forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize