What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
