smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
