Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
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