He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
