if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
