omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Randomize
