I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
