that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
