you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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