So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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