I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
