I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
