I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
