its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
