we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
