Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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