dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize