Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize