help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
